Hello there, whoever is out there.

I did write a post within the week promised the only problem was that is was a little wordy and perhaps a little emotional and not really suitable for sharing with anyone who might happen to stumble upon this little space.

This has been one of the most difficult years of my life and yet one of the most rewarding in the sense that it has felt like a bit of a rebirth. Something has changed in me, something has grown and this is the kind of hasty spurt that comes with great pains.

BUT enough about me. The Children, my god, the children.

The children are doing well. They are stable, they have grown (H, for example has gone from 28 lbs and drowning in a size three to 45 plus pounds and wearing a size six - amazing - she is nearly as tall as L now!) and they feel safe/secure and loved...for the most part!

Things that please me so much:

Watching H and B playing with great imagination and enjoying being children. This is when I see all worries, heavy expression lifted and true happiness on their faces. For B this doesn't happen too often. I was/still am struck with what a serious child he is most of the time (teasing aside). He seems older than his years and I often feel as though I am parenting a teenager with him. He is very clever, practical minded, (very) observant and so to see him drop his guard and just play makes me teary eyed. H is always full of joy and recently a whole lot of sass too which I am grateful for. I refuse to raise a girl who lets everyone walk all over her. I find that people generally respond in two ways with H and each are equally to her determent. The first is to do everything for her, which is ok when it is me because that is us building attachment/trust between each other. The second (& unacceptable) is to treat her as a lesser being. People who are treated as though they are stupid generally grow up thinking they are dumb. I am very aware of how others look/perceive my girl. I feel incredibly lucky that my children attend a wonderful and supportive school which I think is critical as when they are away from me it is important for me to know that others understand my little ones.

Another critical piece in my children's success is therapy. Find the best therapist you can for your children with a focus on dissociation & trauma. A great book I am reading is "Dissociation in Traumatized Children and Adolescents: Theory and Clinical Interventions (Routledge Psychosocial Stress Series)". If you are parenting an older adopted child I would really recommend this book. I have learned more from this book than any other book/article I have read thus far.

What do I look for in a Therapist? Someone who is on task. Someone with experience with disassociation. Someone who you can work well with and trust.

More to come. This is all I can muster for now and I really just wanted to put something (anything) out there. More to come.